The following is a guest post by Michaela
“So…there’s this guy….”
Ah yes! The classic beginning to every girl’s crush confession.
I remember those days.
I remember the excitement and nerves and butterflies that assailed me every time he walked in the room.
I remember the nervous feelings I got whenever he talked to me or I talked to him.
I remember thinking about him for days at a time, wondering “Could he be it? Is this the one?”
Yes, many of us have had this happen to us. And many of us let these romantic thoughts and feelings practically rule our lives.
But some of us are experiencing all this for the first time and have no idea what to do with all the emotions and craziness going on inside of us. To be honest, some of us who have experienced all this before still have no idea how to handle it all.
No matter which category you fall into, I got you girl! Having a crush on a guy is fun and exciting, but it can also be very hard and scary. It’s hard to control ourselves and our emotions in a proper and God-honoring way.
Our culture tells us to let go and wear our hearts on our sleeves, to fall hopelessly in and out of love, regardless of the consequences. Our culture tells us to simply embrace and live in the moment, but doing so could result in life-long problems. And for the Christian girl, falling head first into what our culture says is not okay. It completely disregards what God has to say.
So what are we supposed to do then? Well I’m glad you asked! There are many ways to approach having a crush in a manner that honors God.
Today, I’m going to give you four tips for handling a crush!
Pray for yourself. As girls, we have a tendency to fantasize about things and situations that (let’s be honest) will never happen. Or if they do, they do not go according to how we planned it out in our heads.
I’m totally guilty of doing this. I’m a planner and organizer. I like to have things mapped out before they happen so I know what’s going on. I used to dream about how a conversation with my crush would go, usually ending with him telling me how much he liked me or something like that.
So to keep myself in check, I would pray about it. I would ask God to keep me calm and rational, and for Him to take away my desire and attraction to the guy if he wasn’t the one. And He was faithful more than once.
So pray. I would encourage you to pray specifically for three areas:
When you let your emotions take over, they can leave you in a potentially embarrassing mess. Letting your emotions run all over can leave you irrational in how you handle negative feedback about your crush. You may start to see your crush through blinders, where he can do no wrong and all his actions are justified in some way. This can lead to dangerous habits and situations later on.
The mind is very susceptible to irrational thinking when you are infatuated with someone. This is where fantasizing really comes into play. You think about imaginary situations with your crush. Usually it starts out as innocent things like conversations, but then it can cross over into more serious fantasies like making out with him or even having sex. That is wrong and sinful.
The Bible says, in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the` will of God” (emphasis added). Ask God to renew your mind so you are able to think clearly about yourself and your crush in ways that are pleasing and honoring to Him.
The Bible commands you to watch over your heart.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (NASB). You must guard your heart from sinful desires, which can come when you don’t keep your emotions or mind in check.
The Bible also reminds us that “the heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9). If your heart is not focused on honoring God, then it will lead you to do and think all kinds of evil. So ask God to give you a pure heart that desires what is good and honorable.
2. Stay connected with God
When you’re infatuated, it’s hard to think about anything or anyone else. All you want to do is think about him and dream about him. But be careful! He can easily become an idol in your life. An idol is anything or anyone that takes up more of your thoughts and time than God.
Make certain your spiritual walk does not suffer and decline when you have a crush. I’m not going to deny that this is difficult because I know from personal experience. That is another reason you must keep watch over your heart.
To stay connected with God, strive to have a consistent quiet time with God. Read His word. Pray for guidance and for continued spiritual growth. Ask God to help you keep your focus and your heart on Him instead of your crush. Make it your goal to keep God first in everything. Keep your desires in line with God and His word.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 37:4, which says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” He will give you the desires of your heart that match up with His desires and plans for your life. And trust me, His plans for you are WAY better than your plans for you!
3. Seek wise and godly counsel
When you initially have a crush on someone, seek out an older, wiser woman. That woman may be your mom, your teacher, or a woman at your church. She will be able to give you advice on how to handle the situation and your emotions, and she will also be able to detect any red flags that you may not be able to see.
I would also encourage you to seek your parents’ advice and approval. Their opinion on who you like matters just as much as their opinion on who you date or marry. They can also see red flags and potential bad situations that you can’t see.
I always made it a rule to not like a guy if my parents did not approve of him. I didn’t do this because they told me to; I did it out of respect for them and because I knew they wanted what was best for me.
Most of all, God commands children to “honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), and having their approval on who I like falls in line with that command.
But don’t just seek counsel and advice. LISTEN to it. Don’t brush it off when you don’t like what they have to say. The advice your mentor or parents give may not be what you want to hear, but it may be in your best interest.
Proverbs 19:20 says, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” King Solomon also says, in Proverbs 12:15, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advise.”
4. Look at his spiritual walk with God
First off, is he even a Christian? If you are a Christian, then a non-Christian guy is completely out of the question, no matter how cute or sweet he is.
The Bible says “do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). He cannot encourage or help you in your walk with God. He will only distract you away from God’s best for you, and your relationship with God will suffer for it. Paul tell us in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’”
But let’s assume your crush is a Christian.
Does he go to church on a regular basis? Does he seem genuinely interested in God? Does he seek out a deep, meaningful relationship with God?
These are all important questions you must ask. Maybe you need to ask him those in general conversation. You may need to simply observe the way he conducts himself. Is it in a God-honoring way? You can also, discreetly, ask people who know him or your mentors about these things.
Most of all, pray for him. If he’s not a Christian, then pray that God would open his heart and mind to the truth of the gospel. If he is a Christian, ask God to continue to build him up into a godly young man, whether he’s meant for you or for someone else. Praying for him will help you get your heart and focus in the right place when dealing with him and your feelings.
So there you go! Four tips on what to do when you have a crush.
If you still have more questions or want some more advice, check out this awesome vlog from Girl Defined Ministries on “How to Think Clearly When You’re Totally Infatuated.”
I hope you found these tips and the video helpful and encouraging! As always, it is a pleasure to share with y’all! God bless!
All verses are taken from the English Standard Version unless stated otherwise.
Related Post: The Problem With Crushes
Hi y’all! I’m a 21-year old college student, born and raised in the heart of Texas! I’m completely obsessed with all things having to do with weddings! On that note, I’m slowly starting my own wedding planning business (yay!).
I love all kinds of music, historical fiction books by Melanie Dickerson, Carry Grant movies (if your my age, you probably don’t know who Carry Grant is, but even so, your movie life has been gravely deprived of pure awesomeness!), “The Lord of the Rings” movies, dragons, and tiny puppies!
Above all, I love serving and following Jesus, and I can’t wait to see all the crazy, wonderful things He has planned for me on my life adventure!
A note from Kara:
I absolutely love all of the tips Michaela mentions in this post :) I wanted to add something in regards to her second point, “Stay Connected With God.”
When we are crushing on guys, it can be hard to keep our minds on Christ, as we are instructed to do in Colossians 3:1-4.
If you would like to study this verse more closely, I created a three-page workbook to help you break it down. If you’re a subscriber, you can access it on the Freebies page. If you’re not a subscriber, you can learn how to gain access here. :)