The following is a guest post by Michaela

“So…there’s this guy….”

Ah yes! The classic beginning to every girl’s crush confession.

I remember those days.
I remember the excitement and nerves and butterflies that assailed me every time he walked in the room.
I remember the nervous feelings I got whenever he talked to me or I talked to him.
I remember thinking about him for days at a time, wondering “Could he be it? Is this the one?”

Yes, many of us have had this happen to us. And many of us let these romantic thoughts and feelings practically rule our lives.

But some of us are experiencing all this for the first time and have no idea what to do with all the emotions and craziness going on inside of us. To be honest, some of us who have experienced all this before still have no idea how to handle it all.

No matter which category you fall into, I got you girl! Having a crush on a guy is fun and exciting, but it can also be very hard and scary. It’s hard to control ourselves and our emotions in a proper and God-honoring way.

Our culture tells us to let go and wear our hearts on our sleeves, to fall hopelessly in and out of love, regardless of the consequences. Our culture tells us to simply embrace and live in the moment, but doing so could result in life-long problems. And for the Christian girl, falling head first into what our culture says is not okay. It completely disregards what God has to say.

So what are we supposed to do then? Well I’m glad you asked! There are many ways to approach having a crush in a manner that honors God.

Today, I’m going to give you four tips for handling a crush!

Having a crush on a guy is fun and exciting, but it can also be very hard. It’s hard to control ourselves and our emotions in a proper and God-honoring way.

 

1. Pray

Pray for yourself. As girls, we have a tendency to fantasize about things and situations that (let’s be honest) will never happen. Or if they do, they do not go according to how we planned it out in our heads.

I’m totally guilty of doing this. I’m a planner and organizer. I like to have things mapped out before they happen so I know what’s going on. I used to dream about how a conversation with my crush would go, usually ending with him telling me how much he liked me or something like that.

So to keep myself in check, I would pray about it. I would ask God to keep me calm and rational, and for Him to take away my desire and attraction to the guy if he wasn’t the one. And He was faithful more than once.

So pray. I would encourage you to pray specifically for three areas:

Your emotions

When you let your emotions take over, they can leave you in a potentially embarrassing mess. Letting your emotions run all over can leave you irrational in how you handle negative feedback about your crush. You may start to see your crush through blinders, where he can do no wrong and all his actions are justified in some way. This can lead to dangerous habits and situations later on.

Your mind

The mind is very susceptible to irrational thinking when you are infatuated with someone. This is where fantasizing really comes into play. You think about imaginary situations with your crush. Usually it starts out as innocent things like conversations, but then it can cross over into more serious fantasies like making out with him or even having sex. That is wrong and sinful.

The Bible says, in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the` will of God” (emphasis added). Ask God to renew your mind so you are able to think clearly about yourself and your crush in ways that are pleasing and honoring to Him.

Your heart

The Bible commands you to watch over your heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (NASB). You must guard your heart from sinful desires, which can come when you don’t keep your emotions or mind in check.

The Bible also reminds us that “the heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9). If your heart is not focused on honoring God, then it will lead you to do and think all kinds of evil. So ask God to give you a pure heart that desires what is good and honorable.

2. Stay connected with God

When you’re infatuated, it’s hard to think about anything or anyone else. All you want to do is think about him and dream about him. But be careful! He can easily become an idol in your life. An idol is anything or anyone that takes up more of your thoughts and time than God.

Make certain your spiritual walk does not suffer and decline when you have a crush. I’m not going to deny that this is difficult because I know from personal experience. That is another reason you must keep watch over your heart.

To stay connected with God, strive to have a consistent quiet time with God. Read His word. Pray for guidance and for continued spiritual growth. Ask God to help you keep your focus and your heart on Him instead of your crush. Make it your goal to keep God first in everything. Keep your desires in line with God and His word.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 37:4, which says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” He will give you the desires of your heart that match up with His desires and plans for your life. And trust me, His plans for you are WAY better than your plans for you!

Related: How to Place Your Mind on God {Instead of Guys}

3. Seek wise and godly counsel

When you initially have a crush on someone, seek out an older, wiser woman. That woman may be your mom, your teacher, or a woman at your church. She will be able to give you advice on how to handle the situation and your emotions, and she will also be able to detect any red flags that you may not be able to see.

I would also encourage you to seek your parents’ advice and approval. Their opinion on who you like matters just as much as their opinion on who you date or marry. They can also see red flags and potential bad situations that you can’t see.

I always made it a rule to not like a guy if my parents did not approve of him. I didn’t do this because they told me to; I did it out of respect for them and because I knew they wanted what was best for me.

Most of all, God commands children to “honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), and having their approval on who I like falls in line with that command.

But don’t just seek counsel and advice. LISTEN to it. Don’t brush it off when you don’t like what they have to say. The advice your mentor or parents give may not be what you want to hear, but it may be in your best interest.

Proverbs 19:20 says, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” King Solomon also says, in Proverbs 12:15, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advise.”

4. Look at his spiritual walk with God

First off, is he even a Christian? If you are a Christian, then a non-Christian guy is completely out of the question, no matter how cute or sweet he is.

The Bible says “do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). He cannot encourage or help you in your walk with God. He will only distract you away from God’s best for you, and your relationship with God will suffer for it. Paul tell us in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’”

But let’s assume your crush is a Christian.

Does he go to church on a regular basis? Does he seem genuinely interested in God? Does he seek out a deep, meaningful relationship with God?

These are all important questions you must ask. Maybe you need to ask him those in general conversation. You may need to simply observe the way he conducts himself. Is it in a God-honoring way? You can also, discreetly, ask people who know him or your mentors about these things.

Most of all, pray for him. If he’s not a Christian, then pray that God would open his heart and mind to the truth of the gospel. If he is a Christian, ask God to continue to build him up into a godly young man, whether he’s meant for you or for someone else. Praying for him will help you get your heart and focus in the right place when dealing with him and your feelings.

So there you go! Four tips on what to do when you have a crush.

If you still have more questions or want some more advice, check out this awesome vlog from Girl Defined Ministries on “How to Think Clearly When You’re Totally Infatuated.”

I hope you found these tips and the video helpful and encouraging! As always, it is a pleasure to share with y’all! God bless!

All verses are taken from the English Standard Version unless stated otherwise.

Related Post: The Problem With Crushes


IMG_5122Hi y’all! I’m a 21-year old college student, born and raised in the heart of Texas! I’m completely obsessed with all things having to do with weddings! On that note, I’m slowly starting my own wedding planning business (yay!).

I love all kinds of music, historical fiction books by Melanie Dickerson, Carry Grant movies (if your my age, you probably don’t know who Carry Grant is, but even so, your movie life has been gravely deprived of pure awesomeness!), “The Lord of the Rings” movies, dragons, and tiny puppies!

Above all, I love serving and following Jesus, and I can’t wait to see all the crazy, wonderful things He has planned for me on my life adventure!

Read more Joy Because Grace guest posts by Michaela.


A note from Kara:

I absolutely love all of the tips Michaela mentions in this post :) I wanted to add something in regards to her second point, “Stay Connected With God.”

When we are crushing on guys, it can be hard to keep our minds on Christ, as we are instructed to do in Colossians 3:1-4. 

If you would like to study this verse more closely, I created a three-page workbook to help you break it down. If you’re a subscriber, you can access it on the Freebies page. If you’re not a subscriber, you can learn how to gain access here. :)

18 thoughts on “4 Ways to Handle a Crush

  1. Jaedyn

    Hey, I have a crush on one of my new close friends’ 17 year old brother.

    All of us are Christians. I just met the brother for real about 2 months ago when my family moved to a military base in England that they are also stationed at. They moved here about 10ish months before us, and we both came from the same base in New Jersey, and even attended the same co-op though my friend and her family and I never met. I’m already good friends with my the one girl, who’s 15 (I’m 14) and we got to know each other throwback online messaging before I moved here. Both of our families are already really close. We see each other quite a lot. Me and the 17 year old brother laugh a lot with each other and share glances, and he is only in 10th grade due to his birthday being in February (in all honesty he’s about to turn 17, 16 now). We are about the same height, and despite our age difference we get along really well and have quite a bit in common. We run in the same circles, are in the same classes at our homeschool co-op, and I am friends with his closest friends, and he with my new ones. I have been writing down all the little moments we have and the things I like about him in a journal and a word document before that, and I have pages of possible signs… I do like detail and lists. I have made sure to recognize his faults as well, and I still like him. I have made sure I don’t treat him like an idol.

    I have asked God to make me not like him if he’s not gonna be the one, or to make it clear he doesn’t like me, but I’m about 70% sure he does and I obviously still like him. I’m not sure if I want to tell my mom about it because I don’t want it to be awkward when our families get together and I’m not exactly confortable yet, but I don’t have anyone else who knows him who I can tell. I’m not telling his sister or mom. The only two people I told are my bff from NJ and another friend from NJ as well. Both were over text.

    Do you have any advice about how I should act, or if I should tell my mom, or how I can not get infatuated if I’m not already? Could there be something maybe? Your post really helped me, but I wanted to ask specifically. ❤ Thanks!!

    Reply

    1. Adriana

      Hey,

      As I read what you said that everything you did sounds right because you are being careful. I’m glad that you are because it wasn’t easy for me when I had my own experience.

      The only thing that sounds off is the age because you guys are under eighteen, but soon he will be. It will be illegal for him (when he turns 18) to be with you because you will be consider a minor. For his protection and yours, if things get more serious that you should wait.

      I think, since you are young that relationships should wait because when you date someone in the God’s way it would head to marriage.

      So ask yourself, if you are ready for marriage? I suggest to do research and seek God for counsel like you are doing now. I hope that helps!

      Reply

  2. Lexi

    Hello, I have known this guy since the 7th grade and we have always been pretty good friends. So time went on and we would innocently flirt throughout the years. last year I was just minding my business and my spirit out of nowhere had this yearning for him. I have had several dreams about our unspoken words. I have prayed for God to take it out of my mind and spirit of he is not for me but the dreams won’t stop. He is the only man I am attracted to. I’m really attracted to his spirit more than anything. But he has not approached me. What is going on?

    Please help 🙏🏾

    Reply

    1. Michaela

      Hi Lexi,
      Well, let me start with asking how old you are now. Are you in high school or college? Knowing your age will help to be able to better answer your question.

      However, for the time being, I would encourage you to continue to pray about your dreams and your feelings for this young man. Maybe God has put him on your heart because he needs desperate prayer for things that no one else knows about. You may be God’s instrument to moving in his life.

      I cannot answer your question about what is going on since he has not approached you. All I can do is speculate. Perhaps he hasn’t approached you because he’s not the one for you. Perhaps God is working on both of your hearts, and now is not the right time. Perhaps these dreams are a ploy from the enemy trying to distract you from what God has planned for you. I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is that if you lay these feelings, these dreams, these hopes down at God’s feet daily, He will help you work through it all. He will guide you to what is best for you in His timing, whether it is a life with this young man or with someone different.

      I hope this was of some encouragement and help for you, Lexi!
      Blessings,
      Michaela :)

      Reply

      1. Lexi

        I am 19 years old and he is also 19. Thank you for the help. All of the things that you are saying are the things I am wondering it could be too.
        Thank you ❤️,
        Lexi

        Reply

  3. Maria

    Thank you for this post :) I am 16 years old, and I’ve had feelings for a certain guy I know for almost 4 years now. He is very godly, more so than I am at times. I have been struggling a lot with my situation and my feelings, because at one point, he seemed to begin to reciprocate my feelings, but many things changed after that, and now, I have a suspicion that he is starting to become interested in another girl whom I know very well. Even though I don’t want to kill my feelings, I’ve prayed about it and asked God to take them away if they’ll prove to be detrimental to my relationship with Him and bring me more pain, but they aren’t going away.

    Reply

    1. Michaela

      Maria, I totally understand what you’re going through right now. I when I was 16, I had serious feelings for a guy I had known since the 2nd grade. I had actually liked him for a total of 8 years. But when I was 16, I heard God specifically tell him that he wasn’t the one for me. It took me about a full month to surrender my feelings for this guy over to God. I prayed for a long time for those feelings to go away. Being 16 isn’t an easy age, but it does get better. A lot of things change during your high school years. My 16 year old self probably wouldn’t believe where I am now: 22 years old, in college…and still single.

      I encourage you to continue to pray for God’s direction with your feelings. Some things are not fixed with one or two prayers; they take many prayers over time. Your feelings may not go away from a while, even if he’s not the one for you. These things take time, Maria. Feelings aren’t something you just stop having. It’s not easy to surrender our feelings, and God knows that. That’s why He gives us grace and time. He’s patient with us, and He’ll be patient with you. Trust Him and His timing. I promise He won’t let you down! I hope this brings a little peace to you, Maria.
      Blessings,
      Michaela

      Reply

  4. Shay

    Thank you so much for this post! I’m 23 and have recently met a man (24) that I think really has potential to be the one and this post hit on the parts of myself that I’ve been asking the Lord to guide me on. This helped to reaffirm the areas that I really need to watch and also remind me that I don’t have to do it alone. The Lord will help me and guide me with grace whether this is the one or not. Thanks Michaela!! :)

    Reply

    1. Michaela

      You’re welcome, Shay! I’m so glad it helped you and was an encouragement! Praying that God will guide your heart and show the right path for you!

      Reply

  5. Zoe

    This was very helpful! It is helping me revaluate the guy I’m head over heels for. We’re becoming friends right now. When do I know that it’s the right point to take it a step further? Disclaimer: I’m in the sixth grade.

    Reply

    1. Michaela

      Zoe, I’m so glad this post is helping you! And I’m glad you are becoming friends with this guy! However, I would caution you to be careful. As you said, you are in the 6th grade, and that’s such a young age to start a relationship. If it doesn’t work out, it may bring a lot of unnecessary heartache. I’m 22 and went through my first breakup 6 months ago. It was so hard and painful. I can’t imagine going through that same pain at your age. If it were me in your place, I would wait. A lot changes between middle school and high school. You’ll change and he’ll change. But you can still be friends.
      If however things do move forward, let it be his move. Don’t initiate anything other than friendship. If he is interested, he will pursue you. Let him do that. Wait and pray, for you and for him. If it’s the right thing, God will open the doors. If not, He will close them. Trust Him, Zoe. He won’t let you down! ❤️

      Reply

      1. Zoe

        Thank you! That’s very helpful. I’ve started praying more about it, and it’s actually really been helping me. Thanks again!

        Reply

  6. Jessica

    This REALLY helped me understand my value with God and to try and understand if my crush is truly “the one” for me, or if he’s just meant to be a friend. I’ve been praying about it aimlessly to God. Part of me hopes he is the one, but honestly I’m fine if he isn’t. We can still be friends in the long run.

    Reply

    1. Michaela

      I’m so glad to hear that Jessica! I’ve done the same thing many times. I’ve been crazy for a guy and felt like I was aimlessly praying about it. But honestly, it wasn’t aimless. God was still listening to my prayers…over and over again. And He was still answering them, but in His timing. He was guiding me through it, either by keeping me from saying something too soon (or at all for that matter lol) or by removing that guy from my life. Still attempt to maintain a friendship with him, Jessica! From the sound of things, it seems like you’re already doing just that! Trust God and be attentive to His leading! ❤️

      Reply

  7. Jenniffer Dickens

    Awesome post. I am 50 and still single. These posts are helping see im not just and awful person that no guy could ever want. I also like Cary Grant!

    Reply

  8. Allie

    Love it girl! This is actually so helpful… I wish I’d had it earlier in college! Definitely will be sharing with some younger friends, too! <3

    Reply

    1. Michaela

      Thank you Allie! I’m glad it was an encouragement, and I’m glad it will be able to help some other young ladies! :)

      Reply

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