I asked the married women who are a part of The Peony Project, “If you could give a single Christian sister any advice about her single years, what would it be?” and was blown away by their responses.
More than 25 women responded with great tidbits for us. Since so many women responded, I must warn you now. This is not a good post for skimming. However, this is a great post to sit down on the couch to read, cup of hot chocolate in hand. Snuggle down in a blanket and be prepared to soak in the wisdom from these women.
In other words, lots of good advice is found below, my friend! :)
Therefore, I’m signing off and letting them take it away!
The BEST Advice for Singles from Married Women:
“I would say focus on being the type of person you want to attract– for example, if you want a nice guy, be nicer. Spend time doing things for you! Make memories with your family and friends. Most importantly focus on deepening your relationship with God!”
-Bailey | BecomingBailey.com
“Enjoy them. No matter how stressed you are, how many hours you work, or how worried you are about “the next step” this is the time to find out who you are, how much stronger you are than you think, read whenever you can, watch TV when you’d like, and leave the dishes in the sink for an extra day (or two). Spend more time with your family and friends. Get out of your comfort zone. Tell yourself “yes” as often as possible. Want to learn piano? Take a lesson. Want to go sky diving? Book a date.”
-Jenn | PrayersforPacifiers.com
“Learn yourself. Find your identity in Christ so that when you blend your life with your husband’s you don’t have to rediscover you, instead you will be solidly identified already in Christ.”
-Kayla | www.theaccidentalnomadlife.com
“Don’t build your life around the hope of a man! Marriage is not the ultimate calling, and if you are always looking forward to the future, you won’t learn from your current season – which will handicap you as a wife. Everything you experience as a single is training you for God’s call. Everything ABOUT your single season can preach the gospel if you live with intention and passion for God! Finally, let the first few dates just be dates – not marriage interviews. Be willing to go out with guys who aren’t your “type”. Be okay with not getting married and take the bold step of faith that God will make the future clear in His time – and in that contentment, you’ll become the most real version of yourself. That’s one of the most attractive things a woman can be to a guy.”
-Phylicia | www.phyliciadelta.com
“I always tell people to plan and do things for them. I spent so much time not committing to do something big that I wanted to do months in the future because what if I met my man before then.”
-Amberly | Http://www.aprioritizedmarriage.com
“Don’t waste those years. They are so very precious and a gift. Biblically, singleness is a gift, and I wish more (even myself included) treated it that way. Once you are married, priorities are shifted and the group of people you become relevant/most effective to changes as well.”
-Renee | mullingovermymorningcoffee.blogspot.com/
“Look for the wonderful moments and lessons in EVERY season of life. There will be amazing times and there will be hard times, but if you keep your eyes on Christ, He will show you amazing lessons through each stage of the journey.”
-Veronica | http://www.veronicaanne.com
“Use the years of singleness for a purpose! Like the apostle Paul says, once we are married we have less time to devote to the Lord because we have a family to care for. Your single time should not be spent longing for a partner all the time (although I certainly think it is natural for many women to long for a partner)– develop yourself, serve your fellow sisters and encourage them in the Lord. Don’t settle for the wrong guy just because you are in a rush.”
-Danielle | http://danielleatpurejoy.blogspot.com/
“Make a list of the qualities you want in a husband and don’t settle for less. Pray for God to bring the right man into your life. It’s hard to wait patiently, but the right man is definitely worth the wait!”
-Melissa | www.midwesternmelissa.com
“Enjoy being single by finding your interests. Take hikes, go to farmer’s markets, take drives, read in libraries. Do all the things you love and enjoy the time for Christ to mold you by yourself, bc it will change after marriage. Find fulfillment in who he made YOU to be for Him. Find ways to serve and love it!”
-Kylah | essentialcog.blogspot.com
“Cherish every season. Even the hard ones. Marriage is beautiful, but during seasons of singleness, we can also learn so much about God’s heart and love. I was always so focused on getting married at one time, that it took a very painful breakup for me to realize that I was placing my hope in marriage instead of in Christ. It’s hard to do, but become truly satisfied in Christ alone and not in the desire of marriage. Only Christ satisfies, married or single.”
-Hannah | alifetransformedblog.com
“I’d say to definitely marry your best friend! That way you’ll always have that foundation of friendship in your marriage. I also wrote a post about writing letters to your future husband over the years, even before you meet him!! It touched my husband so much to receive the surprise gift of my stack of letters!”
-Hannah | www.justbeeblog.com
“Don’t waste your singleness. Use those years building God’s kingdom. Read his word. Get to know married women. Give moms a night off by offering to babysit. Get involved in a women’s study. Pursue your educational goals/dreams.”
-Sarah Jane | Wifemummynurse.com
“Let single years be a time for YOU. Not in a selfish way – focus on your other relationships with girlfriends, family, mentors, etc – but let it be a time for you to grow and understand who you are as a person. To grow your own personal relationship with the Lord. Don’t take it so seriously that you can’t get out of your grungy clothes and have a date night with yourself, or grab some late night ice cream with a good friend. And live with your friends as long as you can! It’s such a short unique time in life to do that, but it still holds some of my fondest memories. Marriage is beautiful and wonderful, but each season holds such unique joy. Just be sure you don’t spend so much time pining for the next season, you forget to love the one you’re in.”
-Joy | http://joylynnlifestlye.com
“Don’t try too hard to be who you think other people want you to be. Don’t try to be anything other than what you are. Don’t sacrifice the beautiful unique traits and interests that God has put in you. And don’t sacrifice the things that make your heart move, not for anyone or anything.”
-Julia | desertsthatbloom.blogspot.com
“Get to know who you are as a person – your likes and dislikes, what your love to do vs what drains your energy, your skills and God-given talents. Don’t be so worried about what everyone wants you to be…. figure out who God made you to be and live authentic to that. You will attract a mate who is in love with who you are.”
-Leighann | www.leighannmarquiss.com
“I don’t know much, but this I do know: a good, loving man is worth the wait. I want to echo the bride in Song of Solomon: “don’t awaken love until the time is right” (3:5). But I’d also add this: Don’t settle for a man who doesn’t treasure the woman you are. Don’t settle for a guy who you don’t feel entirely cherished by, encouraged by, safe with, and whose eyes aren’t captivated by you alone. You deserve a man who will come alongside of you and build you up with his words, who is humble enough to ask forgiveness and admit his wrongdoing, who you can trust in all matters including finances and the upbringing of your future children, who can tenderly correct you when you go off track (because you will) & point you back to Jesus. A man who can inspire you to be courageous and step out of your comfort zone, who can laugh with you at your silliest moments and hold you tight during your most anxious moments. A man you respect despite his faults (because he’ll surely have some, as do you). I remember wondering if I’d ever get married and if it would be worth the long, lonely seasons. I wish I could tell my 20-something self what I say to you now: Wait, dear sweet, strong, beautiful sisters, for a man who loves you with a love so deep it points you to the best love of all, God’s love for all of us. That kind of man does exist. And you are absolutely worth the wait.”
-Elena | Www.elle-alice.blogspot.com
“Enjoy being single. Use this time to draw closer to the Lord. Marriage is demanding on your alone time. Appreciate it now.”
-Aretha | www.reeinspired.com
“You have to put yourself out there (meaning you can’t sit around in your apartment waiting on a man to come to you – not saying you are!)
Don’t be extremely picky but still be picky. I’ve heard of mostly girls just turn down a guy for something extremely petty… just because he isn’t their “ideal” of what is in their heads. You can miss out on a lot of great guys that way.
Date and meet guys. That way you will know further what you want and don’t want.
Also, stop looking… I know it sounds cliche but in all seriousness… when I stopped looking and trying to hope the guys I dated were the one, I found my husband. I actually met my husband through my ex’s friend (my ex’s friend and I went to my soon-to-be husband’s house one night and we stayed in touched ever since – neither of us knew beforehand that we were going to meet each other).”
-Whitney | fabulousinfayette.com
“Take advantage of the freedom to do whatever/be involved with anything that fits best with your schedule (without having to check with a spouse/coordinate around kids to see what works).”
-Julie | www.ahopefulhood.com
“Because He’s asked you, say Yes To Forever with God and He will guide you, grow you, and bless you with His plan. That, is your eternal proposal. That, is love.”
-Carlen | Www.realmomswingingit.com
“I’ll probably be the only one to say this (and am mainly saying this because the thing I was going to say has been so well covered above) …. see a therapist while you are still single! Professionally-trained, Christian counselors can help people work through their past and learn more about themselves. I WISH I had seen a therapist before I got married and worked through some of my issues with my dad because that hugely affected how I relate to my husband (and a lot of other people). Specifically, take an enneagram and have it analyzed by a therapist. It tells about how we communicate with others. This would have been an amazing asset to me before/early marriage.”
-Leslie
“Take your time, explore all of your dreams, and enjoy the freedom of only being accountable to yourself (and Jesus, of course). Work on becoming the best version of yourself during this time. In turn, when that special someone that you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with comes in it, you’re ready, secure, and can fully embrace it without losing yourself.”
-Tenns | blissandfaith.com
“The first piece of advice would be that marriage can’t fill that void. Look to the Lord for everything you need and desire. Don’t rush to the alter, or rush to find your Boaz.”
-Ana | www.sheisplanted.com
“Don’t settle for “Mr.RightNow”. Wait for “Mr.Right”….don’t jump into a relationship just because you hate being single. Take your time. Pray. Get an opinion from your parents/friends/pastor.”
-Samantha | www.hisendlesslove.com
“Despite what some people may tell you, you do not become more sanctified in marriage than you do in singleness. I used to believe that marriage is the most sanctifying because your spouse almost becomes your mirror since they see you ever day and can provide that accountability. However, I’m realizing that God was sanctifying me in my singleness, too. He was showing me parts of myself that needed changing then and still is. Each season is unique in it’s own, but that doesn’t mean that God cannot and is still not sanctifying someone more than than the other simply because they are married. While different, both are stages in life that God can and will use for His glory and your good.”
-Ro | www.chickenandbliss.com
“Focus on creating a life that makes you happy. Do things for yourself and learn. Take opportunities you otherwise wouldn’t be able to. Find ways to serve others and share your talents. I know it may seem lonely sometimes, but you are never alone with God in your heart.”
-Morgan | www.themessybunmama.com
“Be crazy in love with the Lord first. Any guy who comes along will have to live up to the example of your heavenly Father. Make a list of deal breakers. Pray over that list and really listen to your discernment.”
-Judith | Www.pluckygumption.com
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Renee | Mulling Over My Morning Coffee: A Faith-Based Blog
Love how you complied all of these Kara Beth. i really hope it is encouraging for singles out there ❤ don’t waste the gift ?