I am quite passionate about the fact that we cannot earn our purity. I’ll explain all of that in a moment, but first I need to rewind and provide a bit of a backstory into my childhood.


When I was 7, I became a Christian. I didn’t fully understand what that meant yet, just that Jesus had forgiven me for the wrong things I had done and that He would give me life in Heaven when I die.

As I became a pre-teen, I faced doubts and wondered if I really was a Christian. I desperately wanted to be loved by God. I wanted to be His so much, I was blind to the fact that I already was.

Every time there was an “altar call” or an invitation for people to become a Christian after a church service or at a church camp, I would pray along with the paster, hoping desperately that I was already saved and if I wasn’t, then that I would be saved that very day.

I failed to recognize that a prayer couldn’t save me.

Only Jesus could save me. 

Grace is something Jesus freely offers. Salvation was free to me because it cost Jesus so much!

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

Friend, you and I are saved by grace. 

We are saved because of God’s grace. There was nothing we could do to earn this grace and we certainly don’t deserve it- that’s why it’s grace.

I finally grasped this concept when I was about 17 or so. Finally, I felt like I could breathe!

But there is another trap I faced… and maybe you’re facing it too.

As I became a teenager, I learned about sex and how God designed it to be saved for marriage.

Well, as I learned more about sexual purity, I decided I did not want to lose mine.

I was fearful that one day I would date someone and give away part of my heart that I would then not be able to give to my future husband. I was fearful that I would compromise my standards. In short, I feared losing my purity.

Maybe you’ve struggled with the fear of losing your purity too. Or maybe you think you’ve already lost it.

If so, let me say something loud and clear:

You cannot earn your purity.

You are not pure because you are saving sex for marriage. On the flip side- you have not lost your purity if you have had sex and you’re not married. My friend, that is a matter of virginity. And virginity and purity are NOT the same thing!

Purity is so much more than virginity!

“In a sense, virginity – not having sex prior to marriage – can be a form of purity, but only in the physical sense. Virginity is simply a biological status – not a status of the heart.”
Phylicia Masonheimer

What’s more, Dictionary.com defines purity as: “the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc.: the purity of drinking water.”

Purity is “freedom from anything that…contaminates.” In our lives- that’s sin. How do we get rid of sin? We can’t, but Jesus can! In fact, He’s already done so if you’ve followed after Him.

“Jesus came to give us purity as a gift. Purity is not dependent on our behavior. It is based on His work, not ours. Let me repeat. Christ Himself is our “purity.” Purity is secure. Our behavior is no match for the blood of Christ, which was shed and applied to all who believe (Ephesians 2:8-9).”

Unashamed by Tracy Levinson (page 12) — emphasis added

This is the Gospel! This is the good news of Jesus Christ! We cannot earn our purity because Jesus already did that!

You may need to click the speaker on the video to turn on the sound.

This is why I absolutely loathe the typical “purity talks” that take place in Christian circles.

“Purity talks” tend to focus on sexual sin, rather than all sin. But as I’ve already mentioned, purity and virginity are NOT the same thing.

“Purity talks” put the emphasis on the listeners’ behavior rather than the grace and forgiveness of God. Saying things like, “You can’t do this or that and be pure,” or “Watch out how much of yourself you give away or else you won’t be able to give your full heart to your future husband!”

“Purity talks” make the listeners believe that sex is evil and bad (which is not true!).

The right sort of “purity talk,” in my opinion, is one that talks about God’s grace and love and forgiveness. Keeping the emphasis on how God loved us despite our sin- regardless of what sort of sin that is- and highlighting how the grace of God saves us from our sin.

Then, once we have a grasp of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the “purity talk” moves into explaining that when God changes our hearts and makes us new (1 Cor 5:17), we should then naturally love Him more than anything else in this world.

His love for us would make us want to change our behavior and beliefs about different issues. We would start agreeing with God that lying is wrong, cheating is wrong, unforgiveness is wrong, sex outside of marriage is wrong, etc.

Our love for God is what makes sinning undesirable to us.

Without a proper view of God and how He already loves us despite our sin, following after Him seems like a list of pointless rules instead of an outflow of love.

Once we have arrived at a place where we understand that our purity is sealed by His grace and forgiveness, then our behaviors and habits will change.

Paul writes in Romans 6:1-2, “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?”

Grace is not an excuse to sin- no matter what the sin!

When we are living in sin, it comes between our relationship with God and our relationships with other people. Sin will always hurt someone and sin always comes with consequences.

Coming back to the topic of sex…

As Christians, it’s important to fully understand that refraining from sex before we get married does not earn us our purity. However, there are still several reasons why we should not have sex outside of a marriage covenant.

Why Christians shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage:

First of all, the Bible clearly states that sex outside of marriage is a sin, and we are called not to walk in sin. 

(See these verses, keeping in mind the contexts around them: 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, 1 Corinthians 10:8, 2 Corinthians 12:21, John 8:1-11, Hebrews 13:4, Ephesians 5:3, Colossians 3:5)

Secondly, it isn’t wise to have sex before you get married.

“Is it wise for you to experience sexual sin outside of a mariage covenant with your husband? No, it’s not. I’m living proof of this. I’m serious. Any kind of sexual behavior outside of marriage only leads ot sorrow. Even though Jesus paid for all sin, the Holy Spirit who dwells in you, actually grieves when you don’t follow God’s best, loving counsel for your life (Ephesians 4:30, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20).”

Unashamed by Tracy Levinson (pages 11-12) — emphasis added

Having grace and forgiveness does not erase the consequences of sin.

In Unashamed, one young woman asked Tracy Levinson, “How far can I go (sexually) before I’m not “pure.” She replied with,

“If you are a Christian, you can go as far as you want and remain pure. The impact of sin on your life is another thing… sin leads to sorrow. And its consequences stink. As a Christian, you have completely and mysteriously died to the power of sin (Romans 6). When we don’t live according to what is true about us, the outcome is often painful, and at times devastating.”

Unashamed by Tracy Levinson (page 11) — emphasis added

Lastly, I’d argue that sex outside of marriage isn’t even an expression of “true love,” like many people think. 

All of these are reasons why we shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage. But hear me loud and clear–

If you have had sex outside of marriage, God stands ready to forgive you. If you are a Christian, then you are already forgiven.

I don’t want you to continuously beat yourself up if you had sex before marriage. God doesn’t want that either. Rest in His forgiveness and grace. <3

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
-Romans 8:1

What’s more, God isn’t mad at you if you had sex. God loves you so much and He wants the best for you!

“[God] is not mad at you… don’t believe when the enemy tries to tell you that since you have participated in the sensual that you are in any way tainted, or that your mistake has become part of your identity (Romans 3:22, 2 Corinthians 5:21). Some people are afraid to believe in total forgivness. But it’s the gospel truth. Because of Christ, your sins are paid for and erased (Hebrews 7:27, Colossians 2:13-14).”

Unashamed by Tracy Levinson (page 25)

I haven’t ever had sex before, but Tracy Levinson (the author of the book I keep quoting ;) ) did have sex before she was married.

That’s one reason why I love her book so much- when she talks about grace and forgiveness when it comes to sex before marriage, she comes from a place where she personally has experienced forgiveness from that. If you would like to learn more about Unashamed, I wrote a whole review about it :)

Have you ever felt like you must behave in a certain way or you would lose your "purity?" Or that you have lost your purity when you had sex? Read this.

Just like we cannot earn our salvation, we cannot earn our purity.

My hope and prayer are that if you’re like me and have tried to “earn” your purity by refraining from sexual activities, you will find freedom in the grace of Christ. I certainly did! Striving for perfection is exhausting!

Or maybe you aren’t a virgin and feel like your purity has been lost somehow. I hope and pray that through this post you have seen that you have not lost your purity in any way! You still have it because of the forgiveness and grace of Jesus Christ! <3

Go forth, my sister, and live free!


I hope this post has encouraged you! If it has, would you take a second and share it with a friend so it could encourage her as well? :) 

 

2 thoughts on “We Cannot Earn Our Purity. Period.

Comments are closed.