Contently single.

Isn’t that some sort of oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp or a deafening silence? The two concepts just can’t fit together…. one can’t possibly be content and single.

It seems to me that every girl taught from a very young age that happily ever after only happens when the princess and the prince find each other, have true love’s kiss, and get married.

After all, doesn’t every girl dream of her handsome prince from the time she can tie her shoes? And isn’t this expected?

Isn’t something terribly wrong with a girl if she isn’t dating someone? Well, of course not, but isn’t this implied? 

Most- if not all- single girls have been asked by someone at some point “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” –and I’m sure this person has good intentions by asking this question… but this question isn’t beneficial.

Questions like these leave the girl in confusion or frustration. Should she have a boyfriend? Is something wrong with her, and that’s why no one will date her? Why won’t do-gooders leave her relationship status alone!?

Related: Quit Telling Me How To Date

It’s as if you’re expected to have a boyfriend by the time you are twelve. (At least!)

Okay, maybe I’m just being a little dramatic, but c’mon now!

We have been brought up hearing stories of princes marrying princesses and then living happily ever after. And we want to be happy. So, logically it follows that we would be happy only with a boy in our “ever after.”

No one ever talks about how the season of singleness should be valued. No one ever points out the benefits of being single.
Nope. Never. Nada.

Instead, girls hear about how being in a relationship is to be desired. How that should be the goal in life.

It has taken me nineteen years to figure out this one seemingly simple truth: Marriage is not what we were made for. As a Christian, I believe we were created to glorify God and make Him known.

And here’s the great thing- We can fulfill this destiny no matter our relationship status. 

John Piper once said, “God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him.”  
I think Satan wants us to believe the lie that we were made to be in a relationship so we will become discontent and distracted from our ultimate goal of glorifying God. Satan wants us to focus on our lack of a boyfriend so we forget about our ever-present Lord.

Being contently single is really hard! It seems like everyone expects you to be in a relationship. Let's look at two keys to being contently single.

There are two keys to being contently single.

1. Realizing that you were made for God, not for a boy.

Before I even think about dating, I need to examine how my relationship with God is.

I hear that dating  is more than just being “Facebook official.” The couple has to spend time together and, more importantly, want to spend time together.

Is my relationship with God just me clicking a box that says “Christian” on Facebook? Or do I want to spend time with him and do I want to spend time with him?

Wanting it is key. I can read my Bible just to check it off my to-do list, but if the desire isn’t there, I’m just reading a book. And I’d be no better than the Pharisees of Jesus’ day.

My relationship with God needs to be the most important relationship in my life. 

Not a dating relationship, because here’s something I have realized: If I’m not content with being single, then I probably won’t be content when I’m dating either. 

My happiness should not depend on whether or not a boy likes me and asks me out. My joy should be found in God.

2. Learn to trust God with every area of your life.

I say I trust God with everything. I say “I surrender all.” …But do I really?
Sadly, I don’t think I really do trust God. My actions and thoughts haven’t been matching up with what I say I believe.

It makes me think of the father who sought out Jesus when his son was ill. He asked Jesus to heal his son if He were able. Jesus instantly rebuked him, saying “If I can? All things are possible for one who believes.”
The man quickly replied, “I believe; Help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:23-24.)

When I first heard that story, I was confused by the man’s contradictory response. How could he believe and yet still have unbelief? But now, I understand because I have the same issue.

I say I trust that God will bring an awesome guy into my life in His perfect timing… but then a second passes and I’m impatient again. I believe that God has an awesome plan for my life… but I need help because so often I doubt.


I just need to remember that God has already written me a love story. 

God sent a prince to come and rescue me when I deserved to stay locked away in a tower of sin. The prince saved me and now I’m a part of His bride, the Church. Someday, Jesus is going to return on his horse and take His bride home. Then we’re gonna have the best wedding in the history of weddings. And it’s gonna be awesome.

When I put it in perspective, I realize that a dating relationship and a marriage would be awesome, but it’s not the best awesome. The best awesome is having a relationship with Jesus.

I am single. And I am finally content. And, yes, it is possible. 

If this post encouraged you, you’ll enjoy my eBook, Single Conversations. Find out more.

6 thoughts on “2 Keys to Being Contently Single

  1. Kelly Cox

    Kara, great post! I was single a lot time. Way past I thought that I should have been married. However, the godly man that the Lord gave me is AMAZING and was worth the wait. I am so glad you are content. I had to get to that place myself, years ago. Thank you for sharing this post. God is more than enough and we were created for His glory! Blessings to you. :)


  2. Rachel G

    I was a very content single person until I was a very content married person. It’s a very good thing to be able to live happily both ways. I’m glad that my parents didn’t ever act like any of us “needed” to get a boyfriend. I have 6 siblingss, technically all of them are “single,” I guess–but to me, single implies actually ready for marriage and interested in finding a husband–it’s so weird to think of anyone referring to my 18 or 16 year old sisters or even my 20 year old brother as “single,” because none of them are interested in finding a spouse at this point in their lives. “Single” definitely seems to imply a desire or ability to get married in the near future–it’s a certain season of life, one that that’s shorter or longer depending on the season, but I don’t think it does much good to desire marriage as a fairytale-like ideal when you don’t even have a specific person in mind to share it with. I enjoy my own marriage very much, but marriage itself is not necessarily enjoyable, it’s a good spouse that makes it worth doing.


  3. Anna @ The Beauty Section

    This is an amazing post! Being a single girl myself I am pretty darn content right now, of course I do want a boyfriend, but I don’t sit and dwell on it and think whoa is me… I have a great time being single and I am praying for my husband wherever he is. I will most definitely be sharing this post because I have so many single friends that just can’t stand being single, They are boy crazy in their late 20’s! Thanks so much for sharing this post! :)


  4. Amberly

    Yes!!! This post is perfect!!! I wish all single women would have this attitude!! It took me too long to realize that my happiness didn’t depend on my relationship status or the number of guys who were after me. I finally embraced and started enjoying single life a few months before I met my now husband and although I love being married, I wish I would have taken advantage of the time that I had as a single woman and enjoyed it more rather than wallowing and waiting around for my man.


  5. Carrington Fussell

    This is SO great! I mean, you killed it. I went through a season where I struggled with being content single. When I finally let God have it, and spent a few months content that He was all I needed, I met the man I’m dating now. God’s enough whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married. Always.


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