Dos and Don’ts: How To Deal With A Crush

The following is a guest post by my friend Bonnie

Have you ever liked someone, and wasn’t sure how to go about it? Maybe you’ve thought about going up and talking to him, or maybe you talk to him every day. Maybe you’ve had a crush in the past you did something with your “liking” that you wish you did differently.

The good news is, with God, nothing is ever wasted. Not even our mistakes or the things we wish we could do-over. Everything — yes, everything — can be used as a learning lesson to teach you more about yourself, show you more about what you want in someone someday, and especially grow you in maturity about ways to better handle a crush in the future.

So for the girls out there who have a crush on someone or will have a crush in the future, this is for you!

Dos and Don’ts: How To Deal With A Crush

Don’t define yourself based on whether or not he likes you back.

Placing your identity in your crush is like looking at your crush as if he were a mirror- as if however he saw you were your true reflection. His approval or disapproval of you is not a wise way to measure yourself-worth.

If he has a girlfriend, it doesn’t mean you are not desirable; if he’s known you forever but has yet to pursue you, it doesn’t mean you are not worthwhile; and if he doesn’t know you, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a wonderful person worth getting to know.

Do be careful when it comes to talking about him.

Sometimes you need to talk it out and share how you feel with someone. People such as your mom, your sister, or your closest girlfriend(s) are usually pretty safe bets of people worth confiding in.

Be cautious of who you share about him with. Don’t talk about him to everyone you know, and don’t willingly give away personal information about who you like. Not everyone is trustworthy of your heart or deserving of that private knowledge. Be careful about talking about him excessively. It can be a drain on others to constantly hear about who you like.

Don’t obsess.

This makes your crush an idol, and it becomes much bigger than it should be.

Don’t do things like stress out over when you’ll see him again, overanalyze every conversation you’ve ever had with him, let him dwell on your mind throughout class, etc.

Don’t try and figure out with your closest friends if his gestures and facial expressions meant he’s interested in you or not, and definitely don’t beat yourself up over little mistakes you may have made around him. We have a jealous God, and He wants to be central in our hearts!

Do give it to God.

Take all of your thoughts, hopes, excitement, concerns, and energies and commit them in prayers or a prayer journal. God is quick to listen and never gets tired of hearing from you, no matter how much you feel like you’re praying the same thing!

I once heard a friend say, “have you prayed about it as much as you’ve talked about it?” Leave everything in His capable hands and lay it all down, including all feelings towards your crush. Take captive your thoughts and give them over to God. 2 Corinthians 10:5!

Don’t invest emotional energy into the crush.

Getting invested emotionally can cause so much unnecessary heartache and can make you feel pain as if you were in a relationship with him. If you downplay the daydreaming and don’t feed the crush, your emotions become much less involved.

Because a crush is not “yours”, what happens if he were to get in a relationship with someone else? Looking at a guy as if he were yours is nothing but a dangerous way to handle a crush. Be gentle on your heart!

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” -Proverbs 4:23

Do acknowledge him.

Be sure to acknowledge your crush. Treat him like a casual friend: say hi when you pass him, ask him how he’s doing when you see him, smile at him. Show some interest in him as a person.

Don’t intentionally ignore or avoid him, even if you are nervous about talking to him. It could give off the impression you don’t like him as a person, and you don’t want your crush thinking that, do you?

Don’t pursue him.

Why do us girls feel like we need to take things into our own hands in order to “make it happen” with guys we like? It’s okay to initiate things some, but if you’re the one putting forth all the work every time, it’s obviously a one-sided deal.

Be careful not to give your heart away to someone who isn’t reciprocating it back. Let him be the one who makes an effort to be in your life. How will you ever know if someone is truly interested in you if you don’t let him pursue you?

Do make your own choices, regardless of your crush’s choices.

In college, I once joined a club because of the guy I liked. I figured being in an organization with him would guarantee that I’d get to be around him. Ironically, I also avoided a certain church God called me to for a while because he went there and I didn’t want it to come off like I was “following” him.

My advice is this: join the clubs you want to and go to the church you want to. Don’t let your decision on where you go be about a guy and if he’ll be there or not. If God wants him in your life, He will make a way on His own! If not, trust that He has better in store for you.

Don’t Let Your Social Media Guard Down.

Be careful about how you go about social media when you have a crush. Don’t go crazy liking his pictures, don’t stalk his accounts to learn more about him, and don’t dwell on things he posts: it unhealthily feeds the crush and gives you the impression you know him more than you do.

Doing things like this only leads to jealousy and discontentment. Make sure you are good friends with him before posting any pictures with him if you post at all. Are you simply wanting the appearance of being around a certain guy? Check your motives before posting, and really put it into consideration to see if it’s worth sharing.

So no matter how big or small the crush is, take comfort in being able to give it all over to God and trust He’s in control over every little detail you may worry about, no matter how small you think it might be. God is for you, and He will withhold no good thing from you!

Hello! My name is Bonnie and I’m a senior English Education major. In college, I love being a resident assistant and writing tutor as well as other campus involvements! My favorite ways to spend free time are through writing, being with friends and family and growing closer to the Lord.

Read more guest posts by Bonnie.

Let’s be Instagram friends! @essentiallykarabeth

Posted by Kara Beth & filed under Singleness. This post has 10 comments.