How to Find Your Identity While Single

The following is a guest post by Kayla of The Accidental Nomad Life

I was angry, I felt useless, pointless, directionless…I was questioning who I was, what my worth was, what my purpose for life was…

I always thought I knew.

I always thought that I’d end up playing this big, strong, female role – the one that can conquer everything and anything – no sweat.

But here I was, empty, trying to figure out who I truly was.

The most difficult part?

I had labels.

My labels included: Wife, Mother, Graphic Designer, Business Owner, Friend, Photographer, Web Designer, Daughter, etc…

How, with all of those different, beautiful labels, could I not feel purpose? Could I not know who I was?

Because, I was lacking the one title that mattered the most:

Daughter of the King.

Follow along here – I had been born again, baptized, lived the Christian life, knew God loved me, and so on…But I never fully stepped into the comfort of that role. It was a title that I so easily would forget. It is a title that encompasses all others and makes the rest of them utterly meaningless.

You see, I never had the chance to truly discover what the title, Daughter of the King, was in my life. I had gone directly from dating in high school, to dating after high school, to being married shortly after. The pain and hurt that I endured during school had never been worked through or faced and I threw myself headlong into being “Wife” RIGHT after being “Daughter” before I ever had the chance to really know who “Kayla Schwanke – Daughter of the King” was.

Make singleness sweet to you.

I know that singleness is lonesome (I had my days of loneliness being single), I’m sorry that I can’t relate fully to the emotion of it, but I do want to encourage you that during this single time in your life, be it sweet or bitter to you, MAKE it be sweet to you.

Date Jesus and find out who you are to Him.

Take this time, this lonely time, to dig into who He is as your provider, your bridegroom, your lover, your best friend.

Work through your hurts with him – maybe that can be through journaling, starting a blog, or getting Christian counseling.

Take the time to invest in your girlfriends (you learn a lot about yourself when you pour you out to your friends).

Take the time to invest in yourself. What do you like? What do you not like? What interests do you have that you should try to explore before you are tied down (which is a poor analogy, but for the meantime, we’ll go with it). What things do your friends like that you don’t actually like but go along with because you’re not sure what you actually do like?

So, how do you step into grasping your identity in Christ?

I don’t think there is a straight answer across the board. God wrote each of our stories specially for us, and no one else.

But we can all begin in the same place, even if we don’t get the end result the same way.

We go back to the beginning: ” In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” John 1:1

Start with the Word. Pray, open the Bible, and he will lead you where he wants you.

For me, it was Isaiah 43:1-5:

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

² When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

³ For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

⁴ Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.

⁵ Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.

I hope that these verses encourage you as well, and help you know deeply, the importance that your single time can have if you pour into Jesus right now!

Kayla has been married to her husband, Andrew, for almost 8 years. They have three boys – 6, 4 & 2 and a new baby due in June. They have moved four times over the course of their marriage which is where the title of Kayla’s blog, the Accidental Nomad Life sprung from. Kayla blogs frequently as her stay-at-home job; she loves photography, graphic design, and anything crafty and DIY. Kayla has a heart for sharing her story and encouraging people – making the social media life less perfect.
Find out more about Kayla on her blog The Accidental Nomad Life.

Instagram: @theaccidentalnomadlifeblog or @kayla_j_nelson

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Posted by Kara Beth & filed under Singleness. This post has 2 comments.