Sometimes as singles we like to exaggerate our situation in our heads, thinking things like “EVERYONE is dating but me!!” even if we know that isn’t true.
But when all of your closest friends are in dating relationships, and you’re not?
It’s a tricky situation.
You want to be genuinely happy for your friends- and so often you are. But, there is the occasional drop of jealousy that stirs in your heart, tempting you towards discontentment.
My two best friends are currently dating someone and I’m not, so I understand the struggle.
Three reasons why I think it’s hard when you’re the only one in your friend group who is single:
- Feeling left out.
- Feeling discontent because you want a boyfriend too.
- Worrying that you will become “replaced” by their boyfriends.
In the post The Secret to Being Content, we discussed how satan wants us to break the 10th commandment (“Thou shall not covet”) by us coveting our friend’s relationship status.
Contentment is so much easier when you have nothing to compare yourself to, but so often that is not the case.
So how do we stay contently single, even when all of our friends are dating?
Here are 3 ways…
1. Talk to your friends about it.
Like I said above, my two best friends are currently dating and this is not the first time I’ve had close friends who have started dating.
At first, I was worried about what would happen to my relationships with my best friends. How would they change now that there was a boy involved?
My best friends are really thoughtful and have made an effort to do things with me, even though they are dating. I’m so grateful for that, because I have had other friends who have started dating and then dropped off the map, so to speak.
I’m presently living with one of my best friends, and something she did shortly after we started rooming together was ask me if there was anything between her boyfriend and her that made me uncomfortable. There wasn’t really anything, but she and I did have a good heart to heart conversation about boys and about our friendship.
I really appreciated her opening up the conversation. It calmed my fear that her boyfriend would replace me
So if your worried about if your friend’s boyfriend will replace you, talk to your friend about it.
If you feel like you’re the only one who’s single, talk to your friends about it. I bet they’ve felt that way at some point too.
The WORST thing you could do is keep your worries to yourself. I believe this builds up resentment towards your friend and her boyfriend. At least, it has in the past for me.
2. Pray about it.
God is a great listener.
Feeling left out? You can talk to Him about it.
Worried that you’ll forever be single? You can talk to Him about it.
Feeling discontent? You can talk to Him about it.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God.” -Philippians 4:6
Taking our worries and concerns and hurts to God frees us from their grasp, but only if we release them to Him. Additionally, it keeps those things from becoming idols (AKA- coming before God) in our hearts.
By praying about feeling left out and discontent, we allow God to give us His peace.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Phil. 1:7
I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling left out or discontent, I definetly need God’s peace to guard my heart and mind in Jesus.
Related: A Battle Strategy for Discontentment
3. Don’t give up on your friends.
If your friend has blown you off the past several times you’ve asked them to hang out because they want to spend time with their boyfriend, don’t immediately write them off.
I know this can be super hard. Once one of the first friends I made when I moved off to college started dating someone, it seemed like she was always canceling plans with me because something with him would come up.
However, we need to give them grace.
Keep trying to hang out with that friend. Forgive her when she {most likely accidentally} hurts you.
Related: How to Forgive and Comfort Those who Hurt Us
But if she keeps putting you off and doesn’t make an effort towards your friendship, I’d say continue to give her grace, but also give her space. This will allow her to breathe and keep you from getting hurt over and over again. Maybe a time apart could be good for your friendship. However, despite it all, continue to be there for her if she needs you.
Grace and space. It’s a delicate balance.
One last thing…
Keep in mind that you’re not the only single out there.
Sure, you may be the only single in your immediate friend group, but there are other singles out there who understand what you’re going through.
Maybe it’s time to look for a new friend or two. Now, don’t get me wrong- I’m not saying you should stop being friends with those who are dating. Not at all. Keep your friends and continue to build those friendships.
However, if you are constantly feeling left out and alone and jealous of your friends’ relationship statuses, maybe it’s time to look for a fellow single to be your friend. After all, you can never have too many friends ;)
Related Post: When All of Your Friends are in Relationships and You’re Still Single | All Things Allison Marie
Let’s be Instagram friends! @kara_beth17
Sarah
Im so happy i found thus site keep motivating most of us in such situations
Kara Beth Post author
Hi Sarah! I’m glad it was helpful for you :)