For some reason, whenever I hear the words “the one,” I think of Gaston in Beauty and The Beast declaring that Belle is “the one… the lucky girl I’m going to marry!”

Of course we know that Gaston shallowly decided that Belle would be his wife because she was the most beautiful girl in town… which makes her the best… and doesn’t he deserve the best? ;)

Most of us are not as shallow as Gaston and know that we shouldn’t decide someone is our future spouse solely based upon their looks. But that begs the question:

How do we know we’ve found the one?

When I was in England for my mission trip, the pastor of the local church we served at spent a day with us. We did a thing called “Ask the Pastor” where we could submit anonymous questions for him to answer.

Someone asked the pastor, Ste Mc, the following question, “How do you know if you’ve found ‘the one’?” And his response is something that I’ve never heard nor read before.

First off, Ste Mc didn’t believe there really was such thing as “the one” but rather you make someone your “one.”

Well, alright then.

How do you make someone your “one?”

A. Service

Ask yourself, “Can I serve this person? Am I willing to serve them even when times get tough?”

Ste Mc smiled and said, “You see, marriage isn’t ‘give and take’ as so many people think it is. Marriage is really ‘give and give’.”

By choosing to serve someone you’re making them “the one” for you.

B. Love

Love is action rather than a feeling.

1 Corinthians 13 gives us a whole list of actions that define love. Patience… Kindness… Forgiveness… and so on.

To be patient is to love.
To be kind is to love.
And to forgive is to love.

Love is a choice. So by this logic, the phrase “falling in love” is highly inaccurate. Love isn’t something you can merely fall into, but rather a daily choice you make.

So by choosing to love someone, and living out that love with your actions, you make that person “the one” for you.

How do you know you've found "the one" you're supposed to marry? Is there such thing as "the one," or is that just a myth?

Ste Mc went on to say that really, there isn’t just one correct person out there for you. You can make anyone your “one” if you want to. There could be more than one right person out there for any given individual.

It’s like choosing an university. There may  be multiple universities that have everything you’re wanting. They may each be great for you. You might be able to truly see yourself attending each one.

How then do you decide?

Well, you pray about it and wait for peace. If you feel peace about multiple universities, well, then you can pick.

It’s much the same with choosing the guy you want to marry.

Is the guy you’re dating a Christian? Does he love Jesus with all of his heart? Does he love you like Christ loves the Church?

If so, if you choose to make him so, he could be “the one” for you.
But there may be multiple guys who fit that bill. Thus, you have a choice.

I love how Phylicia Masonheimer puts it:

“Because God calls all Christians to the same principles of love, kindness, and grace, any two Christians should technically be able to marry and make it work – if they walk in God’s Spirit and seek Him together.” But in today’s age we have the privilege of marrying for love instead of mere practicality, and this means we can look for someone who has more in common with us than a mutual faith in God. That faith, however, should be of utmost priority.

We have freedom to choose… wisely

Just because any Christian guy could be our “one,” doesn’t mean we should just marry the first Christian guy we meet!

God gives us wisdom, and we can use this wisdom to choose a guy who will help us grow closer to God and who we can love and serve.

A guy can say he’s a Christian and still be a jerk. Believe me. I went to a Christian high school… I saw tons of guys proclaiming to be a Christian and yet treating girls like dirt.

Only God knows the hearts of people. Only God knows if the guy you’re interested in is a Christian or not.

But there are some way we can tell if someone is a Christian.

Is the guy you’re interested in bearing fruit of the Spirit? Is there evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit in his life? Read 1 John to know more marks of Christians. 

What do your parents think of him? What do your godly mentors think of him? Your pastor? Sometimes it’s good to have an outside view on someone because we can become blinded by love.

So to recap…

How do we know someone is “the one?”

… If they’re someone we can love and serve and if they’re a Christian in word and deed, then we have the freedom to choose.


Also, I did a Facebook Live video on this topic :)

If you’d like to hear another opinion on this topic of knowing if someone is “The One,” check out this video where I shared Tracy Levinson’s opinion from her book “unashamed.”

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