The Following is a Guest Post by Michaela
Today’s post is going to be rather honest and real. There’s going to be lots of raw emotions. This post is one that I’ve been dreading, but I knew I needed to write it.
Over the past year, I’ve written to you all about long distance relationships, with all its perks, lessons, tips, and struggles. I’ve used my own life as an example to share with you. (See: 12 Ways to Make a Long Distance Relationship Easier and The Pros and Cons of a Long Distance Relationship.)
However, you’ve probably guessed the obvious from the title: my relationship didn’t work out.
My ex and I ended things in June. It wasn’t what either of us wanted, but we made a mutual agreement that it was what was best. The break-up happened over FaceTime, and we both cried…a lot. And we haven’t been in contact with each other since that night.
I can honestly say, it was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.
My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. It was to the point where I didn’t think I could stand it, I hurt so much.
The next morning was hard. I could hardly make it out of bed. I felt physically weighed down by the grief and pain. And I was in so much pain, yet I felt numb to it all just the same.
I saw this quote of Pinterest that said, “One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, it to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.”
This couldn’t have been more accurate. It literally felt like my ex had died.
After about a week, I felt better, mostly because I chose to not think about it.
I had so much to do- I had college classes to sign up for, plus figure out where I would be able to go to college. I hadn’t sent in my paperwork anywhere around my home because I had been planning to move out of state at the end of the year. Additionally, I was preparing to go on mission trip, and I had to figure out how to raise funds for it.
Needless to say, I had plenty to keep me busy. It wasn’t until after a month had passed that the emotions of the breakup really hit me. And it was hard. Then classes started and I was distracted enough to ignore any painful emotions.
The middle of September was really hard. I had made the choice to see the person who had been a major cause of my breakup, and although some reconciliation was made, the meeting brought back feelings of hurt, anger, grief, and depression. I was depressed and weighed down by grief and sadness over my breakup for an entire week and I cried myself to sleep every night. At the end of the week, I decided to document all of this and write out all of my thoughts and emotions.
Today, I’m going to share this journal entry with y’all. It is extremely raw. It is my cry out to God as well as the things He revealed to me.
September 15, 2017
Oh Lord,
“My eyes are ever toward [You]…turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distress. Consider my affliction and my trouble…Oh guard my soul and deliver me!” {from the Psalm of David 25, ESV}
Today is Friday. In all honestly, this has been a long week…physically and emotionally. My body and mind are stressed and tired as I study and cram before I leave for my mission trip. So much has to be done before I leave, and I have no idea how I am going to possibly get it all done.
But it has been emotionally hard for me this week. I’m missing Jon more than ever. I’m still not over him, even though I thought I was making good progress.
The memories…the missing…the desire to be able to go back…to start over floods my mind and heart at night. Sometimes it is more than I can bear. I’ve cried so many times this week, under the night’s cover of darkness. It’s hard to even tell others about it all because I so very much want to show them…and myself…that I’ve moved on.
But I’m still stuck…and it’s harder than I ever imagined. The pain…the aching deep inside…is worse than I ever thought.
All I can do is cry out to God and plead for Him to take this pain away…to take this hurt away…to replace it with joy and strength once more.
But I know I must go through the pain, for healing cannot come without pain and injury. Something must warrant the healing for it to take place. Something tragic. It is only through tragedy that we know victory. It is only through weakness that we know strength. And it is only through sorrow that we know joy.
So then, I will call upon the Lord for “He is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am healed.” {Psalm 28:7}
“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” {Psalm 30:5b}
Whenever I start to feel sad about my breakup, I remember this. I remember that healing cannot come unless I go through pain and hurt. And remembering this had done my heart and soul a world of good. It has helped me return to the joy of the Lord as my strength.
Tweet ThisNow that we’re all crying, I’m going to share with you some things I’ve learned from my breakup. Things I would have never learned or experienced if I had stayed in my long distance relationship.
1. It’s okay if my relationship doesn’t work out.
Ladies, this was my first relationship…EVER! And it didn’t work out. Does that make me a failure? Absolutely not. It means that I tried something with the best of intentions and with a specific purpose and goal (marriage), and I discovered it was not the right relationship for me.
I did something incredibly brave and difficult: I took time out of my schedule to invest in knowing someone else. I allowed someone else – a guy no less – to get to know me, and I allowed myself to be vulnerable with him. That’s brave!
2. I wasn’t ready to be a wife.
True fact. I was nowhere near ready enough to be a wife. I wasn’t prepared mentally or emotionally. And quite honestly, I just wasn’t ready to settle down, even though I had convinced myself for months that I was ready.
And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay that I wasn’t ready to settle down. There were things that I knew, deep down, that I needed to surrender over to God before becoming a wife.
There were also things that God wanted me to do that I would not have been able to do if I moved away and married. Things I could only do right now as a single woman in this season of my life.
I Corinthians 7:34 says, “The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”
For me, there were “things of the Lord” that I was meant to focus on and people I was supposed to meet that would have not happened if I had continued with my LDR. But as a single woman, I had the opportunity to do them.
3. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do.
The month leading up to the breakup was a very difficult month. It came with a lot of stress and a lot of tears. And honestly, I was scared. Absolutely petrified. I didn’t want to break up because I was afraid it was a mistake and that I was acting out of fear. But then I was afraid of staying in the relationship, getting married, and then realizing that was a huge mistake.
Things would not have been good for me if I had gotten married and moved to where he and his family lived. There were a lot of family factors that played a role in that. We might have had a “good marriage,” at least for a while, but it would not have been the best marriage for either one of us. We could have made it work, but neither of us would have been happy in the long run.
Ultimately, I didn’t have peace about the relationship. I was terrified, and the only thought that brought me the smallest of reliefs was the thought of breaking up. Yes, again, I was scared to break up, but it brought more relief and peace than the alternative. I also had a few strong Christian women guide and counsel me during this time, and they all agreed that the relationship needed to end.
4. God can and will bring joy and blessing out of my grief and distress.
I can’t even begin to tell you all the blessings and opportunities God has provided over the last four months. He provided scholarships for college, open classes that I needed this semester, new opportunities to serve, the opportunity to go on a mission trip, and new friends. I could go into specifics, but that would take a rather long time.
Getting over my relationship is still going to take a while. I’m doing better, but the hurting and missing still haven’t gone away completely. And that’s okay. This is only for a season.
The writer of Ecclesiastes says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (3:1, 4).
This is my current season. No matter how painful this has been and will continue to be, I know that “for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).
. . .
If you are in a relationship and considering ending it or have just gone through a breakup, I hope this post gave you some hope, relief, and encouragement.
Not everyone has the “first relationship” love story, and there is nothing wrong with that.
That person was in your life for a reason, maybe for a lesson. God isn’t finished writing your story, and He still won’t be finished even after you find your person and get married.
In all your pain and hurting, always remember to give it over to God, and He will bring healing. It might take a while, but it will come. As David proclaimed in Psalm 30:5b, “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
Related Post: To the Girl Who’s Going through a Break Up…
Hi y’all! I’m a 22-year old college student, born and raised in the heart of Texas! I’m completely obsessed with all things having to do with weddings! On that note, I’m slowly starting my own wedding planning business (yay!).
I love all kinds of music, historical fiction books by Melanie Dickerson, Carry Grant movies (if your my age, you probably don’t know who Carry Grant is, but even so, your movie life has been gravely deprived of pure awesomeness!), “The Lord of the Rings” movies, dragons, and tiny puppies!
Above all, I love serving and following Jesus, and I can’t wait to see all the crazy, wonderful things He has planned for me on my life adventure!
