“Is it sinful to have a crush on a guy?” That is a common question a lot of my blog readers have asked me.
My short answer is “No” and “…Maybe…”
1. It is not sinful to have a crush because it is natural to like people.
So if you like a guy there is nothing inherently wrong with that. It’s normal. What you are feeling is completely natural.
A lot of the girls who have asked me this question are in middle or high school. Often they are experiencing these feelings for the first time and so they don’t know if it’s okay because they’ve never felt this way before.
God made us in such a way that we feel attraction towards people. And isn’t that a good thing? Imagine a world without crushes. No one would like people of the opposite gender, no one would want to get married, and then no one would want to create babies. Humans would eventually die out.
But God didn’t make us like that. He made us to feel attraction and to like (and love) people of the opposite gender so that we would marry and have kids.
So what you are feeling is normal and natural.
2. However, the crush possibly COULD end up being a problem.
Emphasis on the “possibly could.” If you are experiencing a lack of peace about liking a particular boy, I want to challenge you to examine that deeper. Ask yourself why that is. Pray about it too. There could be a reason why you shouldn’t like this particular guy.
So, if you’re crushing on a guy and wondering if it’s okay, I want to ask you a series of questions.
- Why do you like this guy? What do you find attractive about him?
- Is there anything about his character that makes you hesitant to like him? In other words, is there a reason why you’re feeling like you shouldn’t like him?
- Are your feelings for him coming between you and your relationship with God?
If you’re worried it’s sinful to have a crush on a certain guy, I want you to list out his qualities.
Don’t list what you hope you’ll one day see in him; list his actual qualities. Try to see if there’s an actual reason why you’re worried about liking this guy.
Maybe you feel attraction towards him because you think he’s cute (natural reaction), but then you’ve noticed that he’s really rude and demeaning to the girls around him. Or maybe he cusses a bunch. Or has really bad friends and you’re worried they might be an influence on him.
As I wrote in my post, “The Problem With Crushes,”
Sometimes, when the guys we have crushes on do something we would normally wince at, we downplay it and make excuses for the behavior.
Oh, he cussed just now… I’m sure he didn’t mean to. Ooh, that was disrespectful to that person… I wonder if he’s having a bad day?
Because we are “crushing” on that guy, we lie to ourselves and burn any red flags that are popping up about him. We do this because we are attached to the imaginary guy we created in our minds that looks just like the guy in real life.
Did that sentence make any sense?
By daydreaming about our crushes, we become attached to the imaginary attributes we’ve created. And then when evidence comes out that those imaginary attributes aren’t real, we ignore that evidence.
If you find some sort of “flag” about him, don’t dismiss it. It could be a reason why it is “wrong” for you to like this guy.
Keep in mind that the feeling itself is normal and natural. However, if these “flags” you’re noticing about the guy could potentially affect you or those around you… crushing on him could become an issue further down the line.
For instance, if he cusses a lot and you start to hang out around him, you might find yourself slipping up and cussing now and then. If he habitually makes fun of other people in a mean way, you might find yourself doing this when you’re around him too.
The feeling of liking the guy is normal, but be leery if crushing on him is tempting you to sin in any way.
Anywho, pray about the “flags” you see. Pray that he would recognize them and repent and turn to Jesus. Ask God if these “flags” are why you feel a lack of peace about liking him.
Once you’ve done that, I want you to ask yourself if your feelings towards this guy have started coming between you and God.
This is the area that caused one of my crushes to be sinful.
Now, remember: feeling attraction towards guys is normal and natural. However, if those feelings come between you and God, then it becomes an issue. That’s when it becomes a form of idolatry.
This is something I have struggled with before. I found that the only thing I could think about was a certain guy… even when I was at church! (Read that whole story here.)
Eventually, I realized that having a crush on this guy was causing me to sin. I was so focused on him that I neglected my relationship with God.
Check yourself and see if that’s happening to you. Are your feelings for this guy distracting you from God?
The following verse can be a great prayer if you’re struggling in this area:
“Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
-Colossians 3:1-2 (NIV)
Pray that God would help you set your heart and mind on things above, not on earthly, sinful things.
If you would like to study this verse more closely, I created a three-page workbook to help you break it down. You can access it on the Freebies page if you’re a subscriber. If you’re not a subscriber, you can learn how to gain access here.
If after examining your heart and his actions and you don’t see any warning signs, relax and breathe!
Enjoy getting to know the guy better and become friends with him. If you’re still not sure what to do with your feelings, I encourage you to check out the article “I like him. Now what?” by Phylicia Masonheimer.
So my answer to the question, “Is it sinful to have a crush on a guy?” is “No, but maybe.”
It is totally natural to have feelings of attraction so in that sense it isn’t wrong. However, if liking him causes you to sin, then it probably isn’t good for you to continue liking that guy.
I hope this all made sense. If you have any questions, feel free to drop those in a comment below.
