The following is a guest post by my roommate, Bonnie
I have never dated anyone. I’m in my third year of college, and I’m still as I’ve always been: single.
This fact doesn’t define me, lessen my value in any way or mean I’m not just as
worthwhile as anyone who is or has been in a relationship. And honestly, a lot of me not dating anyone has been my choice.
You see, when I was a freshman in high school, I first heard about this guy named Boaz through a book my mom gave me. Reading about who Boaz was gave me
a glimpse into what a Godly guy would be like: he would be a man of integrity, have a servant’s heart, genuinely love God and mirror Him by his words, by the way he lived and by how he treated others.
Before hearing about who Boaz was, I had no idea that that type of man even existed. I decided that year I would eventually marry a Boaz kind of guy. I also decided I would wait however long it takes for the Lord to bring this man to me.
This is why I’ve never dated anyone.
I’m still waiting… Honestly, sometimes waiting is hard.
Waiting is hard when it feels like everyone around you is or at least has been a part of this dating world you’ve never even stepped foot in. It’s hard when social media is dominated by couples and engagement posts by people around your age.
It’s especially hard when you have to watch someone you like, date someone else. When you have to see their posts and deal with the crushing realization that he is with someone, and that person is not you.
It’s hard when you think you can hope for someone and are proved wrong every. single. time.
When these kinds of things happen, that’s when Satan loves to get into your head and play up to your insecurities.
He will stop at no end to constantly speak lies into you that don’t match God’s truth and how He sees you. Satan wants you to question yourself, question God’s plan and even question if you’re missing out on something that everyone else seems to be a part of. He wants you to look at these posts and think, “What if I’m missing out on something?”
I had spent a good amount of my time in college liking this one person. He was cute, seemed to be a spiritual person and there was proximity— I had to be around this guy a lot for multiple different reasons.
I didn’t know what to do with it or how to go about it, or mostly how to even talk to him without feeling SO completely nervous. So I prayed. A lot. For him, about him, about handling it. Everything.
In response, I kept hearing God trying to warn me about this person. He kept revealing different red flags about him to me. He would tell me things like, “He struggles with pride” and “Are you sure about this?” One day, I distinctly remember hearing God tell me, “He’s going to break up with you.”
I remember thinking, knowing what the outcome would be, is this really what I want?
So girls, if you’re like me and you’ve asked yourself “What if I’m missing out on something?” at one time or another, I want to let you in on some advice my mom gave me just last semester…
This is what you’re missing out on:
Imagine you are as you are right now: in college, still figuring out who you’re going to be and still learning about how to grow in your faith. Now imagine that you are in fact dating someone right now, with where you are in life. What could he offer you at this time? At most, he could probably take you to a movie, hold your hand, and tell you you’re beautiful.
Imagine that is you over there (we were looking at this one couple nearby) and he’s making you feel special and telling you everything you want to hear. Now, imagine him telling you two months later, “Get lost.”
Sure, you would have gotten to experience a glimpse of what a relationship is like, but in the end? All you would be is heartbroken, and walking around campus with a broken heart would NOT be fun.
If all I’m missing out on is those first experiences and getting to know what it’s like to be in a
relationship just for the sake of having them now, ultimately, those things will only worsen what the aftermath would be once that relationship ends.
Is it really worth it? Is it worth giving your time, heart and energy into someone who ultimately isn’t going to be God’s plan for you?
God used that example last year to show me that He knows what’s best for me. He has a greater plan ahead that I just can’t see yet.
That never happened: I didn’t date that guy and I wasn’t broken up with.
God shielded me from unnecessary heartbreak and protected me from what I thought I wanted. God must have been warning me about someone who was going to break up with me, because He already knows all about the person who never will. He knows what’s best for me, and He wants better for me than what I thought I wanted for myself.
Even though waiting is hard sometimes, I ultimately have to trust that God is in control of everything. He’s involved in those recurring disappointments and in those times of uncertainty.
The truth is I don’t need to be in a relationship to determine my worth.
You see, I am worthwhile because Jesus died for me. I don’t need a guy to tell me I’m beautiful, either. I am beautiful because the God of the world made me in His image. God made me bold and audacious and my own kind of beautiful. I am those things, because God told me I am those things!
And if having a boyfriend would be a good thing for me, I wouldn’t be lacking it because those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. It’s okay if other people are on different life paths and with different times than me, because God has His own unique plans for me.
The Maker of the universe has me in the palm of His hand, and He’s never letting go.
Hello! My name is Bonnie and I’m a junior English Education major. In college, I love being a resident assistant and writing tutor as well as other campus involvements! My favorite ways to spend free time is through writing, being with friends and family and growing closer to the Lord.