“So Kara, do you have a boyfriend?” Someone might ask.
“Nope!” I would cheerfully say with a smile.

Or better yet–

“I saw you with that guy the other day. Are y’all dating?”
“Nope, we’re just friends.”

Or my personal “favorite” —

“Are you and so and so still dating?”
“No… We never were dating.”


I’ve been asked these questions so many times, my answers are now on auto-response it seems.


Sometimes it feels like we’re living in a dating-driven culture where you need to be in a relationship to feel like you have worth.

TV shows tend to revolve around who’s dating who right now or who just broke up with whom. The music industry for sure revolves around people being in love… and then breaking up.

We have to look a certain way in order to be in a relationship. Be a certain way. Because if we’re not so-and-so girlfriend, then who are we?

We’re constantly fed the lie that we need to be in a relationship in order to be valuable.

We know this isn’t true, but in our heads, we can know that whether or not we’re in a relationship doesn’t matter, but in our heart-of-hearts, it can sure feel like that sometimes.

My friend, let’s go on an imaginary coffee date, shall we?
You’ll sit there on the left of the comfy maroon couch, and I’ll sit on the right. We’ll sip our pretend coffee and then we’ll have a heart-to-heart conversation about this dating-driven culture we live in.

Because seriously.

As if there’s not already enough things claiming to be a young woman’s worth– looks, school, social media, family, friends– let’s add relationships to the mix too, shall we?

I think the dating-driven culture might be more subtle than the beauty-driven culture, but it’s still present.

We still believe the lie that in order to be a normal, functioning girl in society, we need to post selfies with a cute boyfriend on a semi-regular basis. Or we need to have the “In a relationship” status on Facebook. Or a Man-Crush-Monday.

Otherwise, we’re just weird, right?

Most everyone is in a relationship it seems, and being single often makes us the odd one out. It’s like we’re expected to be in a relationship.

But you know what? Singleness does not define us. 

I’m going to say that again.

Singleness does NOT define us.

And neither do our looks, our friends, our families, our grades, our cars, or our jobs.

None of those things define us.

Do you want to know our definition?

We are children of God. That is who we are. Thus, none of those other things define us anymore because we are defined by Christ. The moment we asked Him to be Lord of our lives, He set us free from those lies that are fighting to be our identity.

In this dating-driven culture we live in, being single can be rough. But guess what? Singleness does NOT define us. Nope. And it never did.


This is the part of our coffee-conversation where I’d lean forward and whisper,

So when those people ask if I’m in a relationship, I don’t really care.

It doesn’t bug me anymore.

But oh, it sure used to bug me. Especially since I was in mutual-liking with a guy, but he just hadn’t asked me out yet. I wanted to run way ahead of God’s timetable for our lives and just start dating that boy already!

I still do want to date him… but I know now’s not the time. Today I’m single, and I’m going to choose to make the most of that.

How, you might ask?

By growing in my relationship with Jesus.

Cultivating my friendships with other girls.

Investing in girls younger than I.

Writing this blog.

Continuing my education.

Serving Jesus.

All these things I plan on continuing even after I’m in a relationship, but why not get a head start now instead of being a sitting duck?

Related: 5 Ways to Embrace the Single Season by Abigail. {I love that post btw :) }

My time to date will come. No worries there. Hakuna Matata. :) But even when it does come, I don’t want to believe that relationship defines my worth.

Because that would be a lie.

Just as singleness can’t define me because I am a daughter of God, being someone’s girlfriend can’t define me for the same reason.

I’m starting to believe that. Do you?

So whilst I wait to be in a relationship, I’m going to put down roots. I’m going to live like that day may never come (because it might not) and live life to the full.

After all, Jesus came so that we would have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

Related: 5 Reasons to Root Yourself Right Where God Has You by Phylicia Delta.

Singleness does not define us.

So when you start to hear Satan whisper the lie that something is wrong with you because you don’t have a man by your side, girl, you tell him to run away! *Snaps with attitude*

You are a daughter of the king! Therefore, nobody should be messing with you like that.

Christ gives me my worth and I’m through listening to the lies that I’m not enough. Are you?

If this post encouraged you, you’ll enjoy my eBook, Single Conversations. Find out more.

2 thoughts on “Singleness Does NOT Define Me

  1. Megan

    Oh my gosh I love this. I just had this revelation the other day that I had been feeling like I am worth less than my friends who are in relationships. Nope I’m not gonna let my singleness define me either!


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