Before Caleb and I started dating, I fell victim to a belief to which I fear many a single girl has subscribed.

I thought my singleness was God’s way of punishing me for a weak relationship with Him. And I thought that maybe if I read my Bible every single day and prayed often and sought ways to serve Him, then God would reward me with a boyfriend.

It seems silly to me, now that I’m reflecting on it. But seriously, more often than not, that is what I thought.

Yes, I should have been consistently striving towards a better relationship with God while I was single. Yes, God always wants me to be in a closer relationship with Him. But the belief that something was wrong and that’s why I didn’t have a boyfriend…well… That’s not exactly the truth.

Singleness is not a punishment. A boyfriend is not a reward for godliness & singleness isn't a punishment for sinfulness.

Singleness is not a punishment.

And I think it’s high time we stopped viewing it as such.

A boyfriend is not a reward for godliness and singleness isn’t a punishment for sinfulness.

Let me play devil’s advocate for a minute and paint you a picture of what life would be like if this were true: 

For one thing, nonChristians would never date, never get married, and never have a guy be interested in them simply because they weren’t godly.

NonChristians start relationships and get married everyday, so we know this isn’t the case.

For another thing, the girls who sought after God with a pure heart and from sincere motives and longed to be closer to Him would all have boyfriends.

Some of the girls I most admire for their close walk with God are single.

Singleness is not a punishment. It’s a season. Believing that this season of singleness is a punishment is similar to believing that winter is a punishment. Neither are true, both are merely seasons.

Your relationship with God doesn’t directly correlate to your relationship status.

That would be like me saying “Since Caleb and I are dating now, that means we are more holy than you because you are single.” That’s ridiculous! Odds are, your relationship with God is better than mine.

Just because I’m in a relationship and you’re not doesn’t mean I have a better relationship with God than you do.

How silly it is to think that one can somehow “earn” a boyfriend, as if boyfriends are some sort of prize for good behavior. How little value we place on our brothers in Christ when we view them this way!!

A boyfriend is not a reward for godliness and singleness isn’t a punishment for sinfulness.

Romans 6:23 tells us “The wages of sin is death…” not singleness.

Christ came to set us free from sin. We can have a relationship with Him regardless of if we are dating or not.

To say that when our relationship with God is perfect he’ll give us a boyfriend is a complete and utter lie.

For one, our relationship with Him will never be perfect. And for two, that’s a complete misunderstanding of the purpose of a relationship with Him! God isn’t some genie that will just give us a boyfriend once we wish for it. Nor is He a cruel dictator who wants to keep us from something we really want.

Related: What we need to STOP saying to Christian Singles | Rant Video by Katie Gregiore

God is sovereign. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

I’m positive He does have a purpose in who’s dating who and who’s single and ready to mingle. I don’t believe God makes mistakes.

Friend, there are infinite reasons why we could be single! And you know what? That’s okay!

Singleness is not a problem to be solved!

Just because you’re single doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Your singleness does not automatically mean you have a terrible relationship with God (although I do believe we can constantly grow in our relationships with Him).

Just because you’re single does not mean you need to feel sorry for yourself and think you are a less-than human than all your friends who are dating.

There is nothing wrong with being single!

Singleness is great! Singleness is a blessing! Singleness is a time in which we can and should be growing closer to God. It’s a time where we can meet awesome friends and it’s a time when we can figure out what we want to do in life.

Singleness is not a curse. And we should stop acting like it is. 

To all my friends who are dating, stop feeling sorry for those who are single. Stop feeling like you are better than them because you have a boyfriend. Newsflash: you’re not.

And to all my single friends, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Singleness isn’t a curse, so stop acting like it is.