Skinny Is Not A Compliment | My Personal Struggle With Being “Skinny”

Presently, I am a high school Spanish teacher and I also teach kindergarteners once a week.

The other day when I entered a kindergarten classroom, one little five-year-old ran up to me, smiled sweetly, and then exclaimed,

“You look fat!”

My first reaction was to look down at my clothes, thinking, “Oh no! What am I wearing today?” I saw myself in a pair of navy slacks and a blue shirt with a pale yellow cardigan. An outfit choice I often make.

Confused, I thought, “I don’t think I look fat in this.” I realized then that I still hadn’t responded to my student. I smiled at her and told her to find her spot on the rug.

Then, as I sat down in my chair a few other students hurried up to me and held out their arms wide, saying “You look this big!”

At this point, I realized the whole calling-people-fat-thing must have been some sort of joke the five-year-olds had been having among themselves earlier in the day. So I shook it off, motioning for the students to sit.

“¿Cómo estás?” I asked- the usual signal that our Spanish lesson was beginning.

“¡Estoy bien!”

Over the next few weeks, I could not stop thinking about what my student had said to me.

“You look fat!”

Do I really?

Here’s the thing, I knew it was silly to let something a five-year-old said impact my belief about myself, but I have always thought that children are brutally honest. So, if this little girl said I looked fat, I wanted to examine if it was really true.

I have often struggled with wondering if I look fat or not. If you know me in real-life, you might be thinking, “What? But Kara- You’re so skinny!” In fact, many people over my lifetime have told me I’m skinny- ever since I was a young girl.

Tall and skinny. That’s me.

But I never truly believed myself to be skinny.

When I was in elementary school, I remember often going to an inflatable playground, filled with bouncy-houses, slides, and obstacle courses. Since I was homeschooled, my buddies and I spent many-an-afternoon at this fun inflatable playground.

One time, when I was ten, I went there with one of my friends and her little sister. I remember one of the employees telling my friend she had to get off of the inflatables because she weighed too much. Apparently, there was a weight limit saying children had to weigh under 90 pounds to be able to bounce on the inflatables.

That girl ran to her mom, understandably upset. Her mom was furious, saying that her daughter only weighed a few pounds over 90 and that she needed to stay with her four-year-old sister to make sure she didn’t get trampled.

The lesson I learned from that? I did not want to weigh more than 90 pounds. 

(Which I know is ridiculous! But I was ten…)

As I continued growing and naturally approached the 90-pound mark, I started fearing that I was becoming fat.

You must understand- I wasn’t fat! I had a normal body weight for someone my age. Yet because so many people treat the word “skinny” like a compliment, I thought that I had to stay skinny in order to stay valuable and beautiful.

As I would periodically weigh myself in the bathroom, I would always feel stressed whenever I saw that I was now close to five pounds heavier than I was the last time I weighed myself, even if I had grown taller.

I didn’t realize that since my body was growing, of course I would gain weight!

When I became a teenager, I learned about anorexia and bulimia and the dangers that they presented.

Despite this, I can’t even count the number of times I have been tempted to start starving myself or to try throwing up my food. I never tried though, because I like food too much and I couldn’t force myself to throw up.

However, I still struggle with looking into a mirror and thinking I look fat. So when that girl told me I looked fat, I wrestled with it way longer than I should have.

What’s really annoying to me though, is when people assume I don’t struggle with how much I weigh because I am “skinny.”

That’s a lie.

In fact, the other day in the teachers’ lounge, another teacher looked at me and said, “You must have a fast metabolism.”

I don’t understand it when people tell me “You’re so skinny!” Sometimes I want to scream back, “I’m not skinny! My thighs are fat and I’m a size 7. Skinny is a size 4 or less!”

I don’t want to be fat or skinny, overweight or underweight- I just want to be normal! And I just want to be beautiful.

Which brings me at last to my plea to you:

“Skinny” should not be treated as a compliment, just as “fat” shouldn’t be treated as an insult.

“You’re so skinny!” isn’t a compliment any more than “You have blue eyes!” They are both statements.

If you have been using the word “skinny” as a compliment, please stop. I know you don’t mean it to be hurtful, but it so often does more harm than good. If you think someone is beautiful, just say that! Leave weight out of the picture.

Beauty is not dependent upon weight or size, and it took me years to realize that because people treat “skinny” like a compliment. Tall, short, skinny, fat, small or big, we’re all uniquely beautiful.

I think we should shoot for healthy- not being overweight or underweight. There is a spectrum that each person can weigh and be considered healthy. If you’re super concerned about this, talk to a doctor.

You are beautiful.

This has turned into a really long post, but I hope it has encouraged you in some way. I hope you know that you are beautiful, no matter your shape or size. And I hope you know that if you struggle with this- you’re not alone. <3

Related: For When You Don’t Feel Beautiful

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Posted by Kara Beth & filed under Random. This post has 7 comments.