The following is a guest post by Kristen of kristenshane.com


For the past three years, I’ve been writing to someone I’ve never met.

Sounds crazy, right? But what’s even crazier is that eventually, that person won’t be a stranger at all, but (God-willing) my best friend, the love of my life, and the dad to my future kiddos.

Since we’ll share so much of our lives together, it’s not so crazy that I’d want to start thinking about and praying for the-guy-that-will-someday-be-my-husband now, and recording it all by writing letters to him.

Every girl has dreamed of her future wedding, her future kids… and her future husband. We’ve all pictured the perfect guy and made laundry lists of qualities. Something like: tall, good hair, nice smile, kind, makes me laugh, loves Jesus and his momma, good with kids, goes to church, great job, remembers-your-anniversary-and-never-forgets-to-do-the-dishes…

Sound familiar?

Yeah, we’ve all been there.

And really, there’s nothing wrong with imagining your future guy, as long as there’s a little more to it than that.

When we began talking about the subject of future husbands in my youth group in high school, I quickly realized that I could be doing much more than hoping for what my man will be like someday. I could be praying for him now.

Right now, he’s out there, becoming the man that will marry me. Right now, he’s out there living through the struggles of stress, school, and sin, just like I am. And so right now, I can help him through prayer.

When I realized that there was someone out there right now, becoming the man I’ll marry, I realized that in the same way, I’m becoming his wife. The choices I make, lessons I learn, and struggles I overcome today are all things that will make me the woman I’ll be when I walk down the isle.

Instead of daydreaming, I write to my future husband because it helps me think seriously about what I want in a husband and who I want to be as a wife.

I’m single now, but one day, I’ll be someone’s wife.

Ironically, I wasn’t single when I started writing to my future husband.

I was in a relationship with a great guy, and we were really happy. We were young, but we were mature enough to know we had something real, and we’d been dating for a long time. I was too young to be worrying about it, but I realized that we’d been dating as long as some people do before they get married. That was crazy to me.

I was struck with perspective only God can bring: this guy was great, and cared for me so well, but he wasn’t the one I was meant to marry.

I felt like I was ready to grow on my own and start a new chapter, and eventually broke it off. The breakup was hard, but it was in that experience that I found myself picking up a blank journal, and writing my first letter to my future husband.

It was awkward at first. What are you supposed to say to a man you’ve never met, but will eventually know so much about? Once I got over the initial clumsiness of, “Hi, there. We’ve never met, but I’d like to introduce myself…” the words came a lot easier, and it’s been even easier to write since then.

In that first letter, I talked about the breakup, what I learned from it and how it helped me starting thinking about the man I’ll marry. I poured my heart out in that first letter, and I felt so much better when I did.

Since then, I’ve found that I’m compelled to write letters after something involving a guy upsets me. Be it an awkward encounter, or a classic case of unreciprocated feelings, the bad times help me look forward to something, and someone, better.

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about my future life, like we all do. But now, instead of just daydreaming, I’m thinking seriously about what I want in a husband, and who I want to be as a wife.

What does that look like?

For me, it means working daily to improve my prayer, and choosing to let God work in my life. God’s plan is infinitely better than what I think I want (Isaiah 14:27). It’s difficult to “let Jesus take the wheel” (as I’ve written about previously), but things always work out better when I do.

It means realizing that God’s timing is perfect, and that I’m by no means ready to be a wife yet, but someday, in God’s time, I will be.

It means writing letters to the guy I’ll eventually marry, to share stories about my life before him, and to appreciate why all the guys before him weren’t “the one”.

And it means working on becoming the best version of myself, and praying for a guy that God set aside just for me. A guy that I pray is doing his best, choosing Jesus, and maybe, just maybe, praying for and thinking of me too.


Version 2Kristen is the creator and author of Kristen Shane, a blog about her thoughts and experiences as a Christian college girl. She is a political science student at Florida State University and hopes to become a lawyer. Besides writing, some of her favorite things include cookies & cream ice cream, pink nail polish, and her two dogs.

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3 thoughts on “Single, but Someone’s Wife: Why I Write to My Future Husband

  1. Natacha

    Lol i have a notebook i write to him..jaja i though i was the only crazy ..it make make feel good and i planing to give to him the date of may wedding

    Reply

  2. Megan

    I’ve got a little notebook of letters for my future husband to. Sometimes I find it hard to write to someone who I don’t know yet or feels like doesn’t exist…but it will be an awesome thing to share one day. A testimony to God’s faithfulness!

    Reply

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