I don’t want to be a Debbie-Downer in this post, nor do I want you to think that from the title of this post. It’s just that I’ve shared the 7 best things about singleness before, but I haven’t really touched on the worst thing.
And it’s not even as if I’m making some huge announcement or something. “This is the worst part of singleness! Beware!”
Because you probably already know what the worst part of singleness is.
For the past two years I’ve hosted a “Singleness Survey” here on Joy Because Grace.
One of the questions I always ask is “What is the worst thing about being single?”
And both years there was one answer that reoccured again and again: loneliness.
In fact, when I combined the answers from both 2016 and 2017, I found that 64.5% of responders answered that loneliness was the worst part about being single!
And I’m ticked!
It makes me livid that satan has lied to so many girls and told them that
- they are absolutely alone
- no one cares for them
- they are too old and will never have a family of their own
- no one could ever want them, because they are worthless
because I’ve believed those lies too.
My friend, when we believe those lies they strike deep into our inner being!
Reading through the responses just about broke my heart! I hurt for every single person who admitted to feeling lonely. I hate how satan has lied in this way.
I hurt with them, because I am one of them. I understand the deep pain loneliness can cause. I have felt the heavy heart, I have had the downcast eyes, and I have shed the tears.
Feeling alone is a horrible, horrible feeling. One I don’t like having much much more than I don’t like seeing dying daisies.
But loneliness is a lie.
My friend, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
You are not alone.
Let that sink in deep.
You are not alone.
God has promised to never leave you. He will always be by your side.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
“Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” -Matthew 28:20b ESV
I know it’s hard to remember God is with me when I feel lonely, so I know it could be hard for you too.
But we have got to stop believing the lie that singleness means no one cares or that singleness means we have to be alone. Otherwise, we place so much wait on our future husband’s shoulders.
Our future husbands can’t make us happy 100% of the time. If we are looking to them to make us feel fulfilled and to take away our feelings of loneliness, I’m afraid we’re going to be disappointed. No human has that power, only Jesus does.
In the words of Phylicia Masonheimer, “No man will ever completely fulfill you because no man was ever meant to. Only Jesus Christ can ever do that.”
Even when it’s hard, we need to set our minds on Jesus and believe that He will never leave our side.
Loneliness is a silent killer.
This is something I discovered the other day.
I was driving to work and listening to Air1 on the radio. The morning show hosts were discussing research that suggests loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
My jaw dropped. There was no way that was true!
When I got home later that day, I googled it to see if what they were saying was true.
And I found an article that has that exact statistic in it: “Loneliness is as big a killer as obesity and as dangerous to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, according to a study of three million people” (Source).
And then I found another article that was saying the same thing.
“[Social isolation] also does more damage to your health than not exercising – and is twice as harmful as obesity” (source).
My mind flashed to the times in my life when I was deep in the pit of loneliness and despair. I felt like I had no friends. I felt like my family didn’t like me any more. And I felt like God had left me too. I was spiraling into depression.
Realizing the other day that the loneliness I struggled with back then and the loneliness that I still face off and on today can cause my health to deteriorate made me even more mad that I had believed satan’s lies.
Because even though I may feel alone, that does not mean I am alone. Feel does not equal am.
Loneliness and singleness do not have to be synonymous!
Through Jesus Christ, we are not alone, so through Him we do not have to feel alone.
When loneliness hits, I encourage you to do one or all of the following:
- Read your Bible
- Call a friend
- Call a family member
- Serve somewhere
Surround yourself with Jesus and with the people who care about you when the loneliness hits.
To repeat it one more time: You are not alone, even if you feel lonely.
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